I am 31, single. Not that marriage meant to me much as an institution or a mode for actualizing fantasies. I laid emphasis on the term 'single' because from the age of 13, love occupied a prominent place in my life. I was in love with the idea of being in love: the idea of complete surrender and abandon that accompanied it. I idealized the concept of unconditional platonic love which others thought was silly. Even though, when it came to other spheres of life, I was astonishingly mature, in love, i was like a child. I did not know whether it was a good thing or bad. Are all things good or bad?
Though I encountered the concept of first love and its uniqueness, and some people even went to the extent of saying that one never really falls in love again; it's just another manifestation of the first love. However, for me, it was radically different. I fell in love with the same persons, as well as different persons. But what is important is that each time, it was different. Being the self centered person that I am,I felt as if I was exploring different shades of myself each time I was in love.
